Get It Right
by Inevitable.Alex.Vause
Summary: How may times will it take to Get It Right? Warning": Will eventually contain SMUT Shitty summary I am sorry I am really bad at them. Anyone can feel free to come up with one for me. I don't own OITNB or any of the characters.
1. To Love You More

"Some mail came for you today, it's from Vause."

_Dear Pipes,_

_ I have sent you many letters, however, I have still not heard from you. I can't say that I blame you, because I don't…I never have. I realize that I have always been a fuck up and that the best thing that you ever did for yourself was to leave me and ultimately, let me go…again. With that said, this will be the last letter that I send to you, the last letter that I write to you before I finally let you go and wish you well and all of the happiness in the world. You deserve all of that. _

_There is just some things that I need to tell you before I am fully able to allow myself the chance to move on without you. Out of all of the letters that I have sent you since my release, I hope that this is the one that you choose to open. _

_Wow, moving on without you…it's scary, just that fact alone. I never thought after everything that we had been through that we would come to this point…again. I know I let you down in Chicago. It wasn't intentional, anything shitty I ever did to you never was. I always wanted to protect you. Everything I did was to keep you out of harm's way. Even if that is not the way that it appeared _

_You were (are) the love of my life. I could never live with myself if anything ever happened to you. I had a chance to get out. I thought you were going to tell the truth, so I wanted to make you proud of me and do the same. I thought for sure it was our chance to walk out of prison together…hand in hand. Obviously my shit track record continued and you were the only one sent back to prison. Knowing that Kubra got off, I am sorry to say that I am glad that you did. You are safer in there. I just wish that I was back in there with you. How strange is that omission?_

_I am scared to death Piper. I am scared to death of going through this life without you. The eight years we already spent apart were the worst years of my life. I would often frequent the place that we first met just hoping that you would be sitting in that same bar stool that you always sat at. Three times a week I would walk in there and scope the place out, but you weren't there. I would go home and cry myself to sleep every time. About a month of doing that, it finally started to sink in that the two most important people in my life really were gone. _

_You broke my fucking heart that day you left me in Paris. I hated you at first for me…for my mom. Then my hate changed from you to me. I hated everything that I put you through…that I put my mom through…that I put me through. The hate and loathing became too much for me to bare alone, so after a while and I turned to the drugs. The very thing that put me on top of the world…made it all come crashing down. I used for a few months, but thankfully it just wasn't for me. I was a terrible junkie. Alcohol was a better poison for me, but even then it didn't heal the hurt. Actually, it seemed to intensify it. _

_Getting drunk meant that you would be in my dreams. I would remember the tears that you cried when we would make love. I never even knew what those words meant until you walked into my life. I remember the hurtful look on your face when I would let you down. I would remember those exotic trips that you and I would take and how happy that we used to be. It was torture but I never wanted to wake up…no matter how shitty the dream…because at least in that state I still had you. _

_I wish that I could turn back time and not have joined Kubra's cartel. I wish that you and I would still have been in that bar at the exact same time so that we still could have met. Maybe the trips would have totally been a no go because any honest job that I would have had probably would not have paid for that. I wish that the dreams that you had for the two of us were still possible. I would give anything for a third chance with you. They say the third time is the charm. I am seriously not trying to crack a joke right now. _

_I know that I am probably just rambling on and on about things that maybe aren't important to you right now. You made your choice when you picked Barry, Mary…or whatever the fuck his name is. Maybe that is the best for you. Honestly, I hope that it's not…because I want that to be me. Seeing you again in Chicago made my heart soar. All of my anger over the last time we saw each other in prison just melted away. It made me realize that above all else you still held that most sacred part of me. You have since day one. I could move on Pipes…but I would never have a heart to give to anyone…it's still in your hands. It always will be. _

_I had dreams for us Pipes…big ones. You were the first person that I had ever met that I actually wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I never saw myself as the type you know…one of those girls that could be domesticated. You made me think about children…fucking scared the hell out of me to. I mean really Piper, could you imagine a little person calling me mom. I can imagine the way that your nose would curl up and the smile that would spread across your face right now if you were reading this. I know the clock may have ticked away all of the time for us, but I just want you to know. If given the chance I could be that person that you could have babies with. We could even nest and remodel a bathroom together. _

_Bottom line Pipes. I want you back. I know I don't deserve you…but I do know that I will never intentionally fuck up again. I know that I never want to see hurt on your face again. I know that I never want to know what life without you feels like again. I remember what it felt like to fall asleep next to you and I want that feeling again. I remember the warmth that we gave each other in our bunks at Litchfield. It wasn't ideal but we were still together. If today you woke up right beside me, I would hold you closer to me than I ever did before. You would never again feel alone or scared or let down. My arms would always be your strength and my body a pillar to hold you up. My arms would forever be yours as a source of warmth and love and never again would I falter. _

_Everything about you is everything that I want…everything that I need, and more importantly…everything that I love. I never knew true love before you, and I am convinced that I never will again. I understand if you can't let me back in your life, but for my sake, I had to try. I had to give this one last shot before I finally tried to let myself live again…even if that meant being without you. _

_I have put my phone number in numerous letters, so I will not throw it in your face and write it down again. Just know that no matter what, I will never again hold anything against you. I understand Pipes…I truly do now. You always said that being a drug dealer was ruining everything good in my life…you were right then…but I am not a drug dealer anymore. I don't want it to keep the one thing that has ever been good away from me any longer. _

_You have a huge heart that I have broken many times. It was never fair to you, and I honestly would change things if I could. I know that Barry probably mended your heart at least a little, but I know that it still has its shards because of me. I am asking for you to let me put them back together…or at least try. Let me show you that I truly do love you. I know that it will take time and things will never be the same...but they could end up better than they have ever been. I know I have a lot of work to do. I just hope that you give me the chance to do it. _

_I always meant it when I said I loved you. I still mean it. You were (are) my person Pipes. If you can ever find forgiveness in your heart for a formal drug smuggler that loves the fuck out of you, you know how to reach me. _

_With all of my love._

_Alex _

"Alex…it's me."

_**Author Notes **_

_**So I got a prompt and thought I would try it out…**_

_**What do you think? **_

_**One shot or Multi chapter. **_

_**Any ideas or suggestions is I consider a multi.**_

_**If anyone has any prompts for me please let me know...I would be happy to try ALMOST anything LOL**_

_**Please Review. **_


	2. My Heart

"Some mail came for you today. It's from Vause."

My heart stopped momentarily as Red said her name. She handed over the letter, then gave me a half smile before walking away. I wanted to scream, to cry, to run away. Anything that I could do to keep the feelings that I still had for the raven haired beauty at bay.

She has written to me before, many times. I have them hidden in a shoe box in my cabinet. I haven't read any of them. Not that I didn't want to, because deep down I really did…I really do. I want to know what she has to say, what she is thinking, what she is doing, better yet…if she is okay?

I miss her. I can't help it. She has always had this hold on my heart. She was the love of my life and if I am being quite honest with myself, she still is. My hands wouldn't stop clutching the letter. I carried it around with me for a while. I ran into Nicky and told her about it. She just did some god awful lame impression of Alex and went about her day.

I tucked the letter under my pillow when Polly came to visit me today. For some reason, I just couldn't get myself to toss this one in the trash, or among the others' in the box. . I sat there with a blank stare just watching as my best friend (now ex) in a roundabout way told me of her affair with Larry. She didn't tell me straight, she didn't have to. I could see it. I could see right through her.

I went back to my bunk trying to get myself to think straight, trying to make some sort of sense out of everything that was going on in my head. I punch the brick of my bunk, bloodying my knuckles, much to Red's distaste. She speaks to me but I block her out, then she walks away. The only thing that I could think of was Alex. Not the Alex that worked for an international drug cartel. The Alex that swept me off of my feet many years ago and made me fall completely in love with her.

I should hate her right now. I should throw all of these letters away and not even let her explain anything. She let me down. She left me all alone in that cell in Chicago while she went free. She walked away as I screamed out her name. Deep down I know she didn't have a choice. I know that she tried to do the right thing…she always does…try that is.

I lift up my pillow and pick up the envelope. I unfold the letter and take a deep breath. My tears are already threatening to escape as I read the words of the one person is this whole world that has ever really meant anything to me.

_I have sent you many letters, however, I have still not heard from you. I can't say that I blame you, because I don't…I never have. I realize that I have always been a fuck up and that the best thing that you ever did for yourself was to leave me and ultimately, let me go…again. With that said, this will be the last letter that I send to you, the last letter that I write to you before I finally let you go and wish you well and all of the happiness in the world. You deserve all of that._

I read her words and let the string of tears cascade down my face.

_You were (are) the love of my life. I could never live with myself if anything ever happened to you. I had a chance to get out. I thought you were going to tell the truth, so I wanted to make you proud of me and do the same. I thought for sure it was our chance to walk out of prison together…hand in hand. Obviously my shit track record continued and you were the only one sent back to prison. Knowing that Kubra got off, I am sorry to say that I am glad that you did. You are safer in there. I just wish that I was back in there with you. How strange is that omission?_

My eyes go wide as I read that Kubra is out of prison and that Alex is out there alone with him walking the streets. A feeling of terror washes over me as I think about what he might do to her. My thoughts go into overdrive, as she explains how she thought that we would walk out together. We both messed up. She told the truth thinking that I would…and I lied thinking that she would. Honestly, she is not the only fuck up in this situation. I read the last line and a small smile spreads against my lips. I wish she was back in here with me too. She made this place bearable for me. She made me feel safe and secure. She made me feel protected…and loved.

_I know that I am probably just rambling on and on about things that maybe aren't important to you right now. You made your choice when you picked Barry, Mary…or whatever the fuck his name is. Maybe that is the best for you. Honestly, I hope that it's not…because I want that to be me. Seeing you again in Chicago made my heart soar. All of my anger over the last time we saw each other in prison just melted away. It made me realize that above all else you still held that most sacred part of me. You have since day one. I could move on Pipes…but I would never have a heart to give to anyone…it's still in your hands. It always will be._

Everything that she is saying is important to me. Every single word of it. She is pouring her heart out to me and all I wish is that she was right in front of me right now so that I could slap the shit out of her for the dumbass choices that she has made. But then I would take her in my arms and tell her that we are okay...that we are going to make it. Alex is everything to me, so much more than Larry ever was. That day that I left her in Paris, I didn't just break her heart, I ripped my out along with it. I shielded myself behind Larry, it made it easier for me not to face the fact that I would always belong to Alex, and that Alex would always belong to me. I didn't want to admit that back then…now I can't get away from that fact.

_Bottom line Pipes. I want you back. I know I don't deserve you…but I do know that I will never intentionally fuck up again. I know that I never want to see hurt on your face again. I know that I never want to know what life without you feels like again. I remember what it felt like to fall asleep next to you and I want that feeling again. I remember the warmth that we gave each other in our bunks at Litchfield. It wasn't ideal but we were still together. If today you woke up right beside me, I would hold you closer to me than I ever did before. You would never again feel alone or scared or let down. My arms would always be your strength and my body a pillar to hold you up. My arms would forever be yours as a source of warmth and love and never again would I falter._

I want what she is saying to be true. I want so much to be in those arms that she describes. I want the warmth and the strength, and most of all that love back in my life. Alex doesn't think that she deserves me, but she does, just as much as I deserve her. She wasn't the only one that fucked up along the way. I did my fair share as well. I am reading Alex take all of the responsibility and it angers me, because I hurt her too.

_Everything about you is everything that I want…everything that I need, and more importantly…everything that I love. I never knew true love before you, and I am convinced that I never will again. I understand if you can't let me back in your life, but for my sake, I had to try. I had to give this one last shot before I finally tried to let myself live again…even if that meant being without you._

When I think about it, everything about Alex is everything that I want, that I need, that I love. I want the adventure that she puts in my life. I need the strength and the warmth that she surrounds me in. But most of all, I want the love that she gives me. She makes me feel alive. She is and has always been that special part of me that makes me whole.

_I have put my phone number in numerous letters, so I will not throw it in your face and write it down again. Just know that no matter what, I will never again hold anything against you. I understand Pipes…I truly do now. You always said that being a drug dealer was ruining everything good in my life…you were right then…but I am not a drug dealer anymore. I don't want it to keep the one thing that has ever been good away from me any longer._

I read through the rest of the letter and then frantically toss it on the bed. I grab my shoe box and sift through the first couple of letters that she sent. There is only one thing I am looking for. One thing that can make things okay again. One thing that can bring my Alex back into my life.

I silently cheer when I find what I am looking for. The tears cease for a moment and a smile replaces them for now. I run down the hallway, much to the guard's dismay. I slow down out of fear of getting a shot. I can't afford another one. I have gotten too many already. A couple more minutes and I am where I need to be. I inhale deeply, then exhale, waiting for…

"Hello."

"Alex…it's me."

_**Author Notes. **_

_**Thanks for the great responses and follows so far. **_

_**To those of you that are worried, this story will not get in the way of me updating (Inevitable) LOL**_

_**Please Review. **_


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